mrrrrrrrr

I have the itch to go shopping.... and I can't seem to get it to go away!! All day today I have been looking at my usual sites craving for something more. I really should ban these sites. Already this month I have bought much more than I should have-fabric, fabric ruler, 2 groupons, flight cost, a box set of books (I am not sure even why I would buy books), and shoes. Yet, even these things don't seem like enough.... this makes me see how incredibly drawn to consumerism I am.

I am drawn to consumerism because of my insecurities. Take today for example I hate what I am wearing- its is frumpy and cheap looking. Plus, I noticed that there is a stain on my skirt!! My hair is a thick, disgusting mess and need of a cut (seriously getting a cut on Saturday). Plus, I feel worthless because I thought I'd have more to do today. I keep beating myself up and my cure for everything is shopping. This is the root of the problem. I don't feel very secure with myself all the time (who does?) and instead of working on fixing these insecurities I beat myself up. If I shop, it makes it better. Consumerism at its best!

I'm going to try my best to overcome these emotions-so far I still have a little bit of extra money from state tax refund and refund from dentist overcharge which I'd really like to put into savings instead of spending it on crap I don't need just because I feel bad for myself. At least I see the problem....... I should go through my closet and get rid of anything that makes me feel insecure and unsexy. Then sit down and really think about what would make me feel better-more clothing or more time dedicating to making myself feel better?

I will update you on the struggle, along with February budgeting next blog.